This is The End...of Everthing I Used to Be...

Secret Number Eight: I love to sing, but hate my singing voice.

So, Christmas has come and gone. And I'm oh so depressed because of it. Damn Christmas spirit made me waste sooooo much money on people. I saved all of my receipts so that I can total up how much money I really did spend. I'm gonna guess $200. Pray to God I'm wrong.

Speaking of God, my mom randomly spilled to me while driving my non-independently-driving self to work that she's worried about my older sister; she's scared that she doesn't believe in God. I didn't really know what to say, simply cause the truth is pretty painful. The truth? My sister believed in God Once-Upon-A-Time, but then life happened. I was also an avid church-goer and good-doer. But, just like my sister, but in a different aspect, Life slapped me in the face. I was introduced to betrayal, abuse, self-hate, and abandonment. After all of that, depression took over again and there was no God. There was no Him. There was just me, alone, crying myself to sleep and trying not to fade away. I've battled with memories since then, and quite frankly, haven't really attempted to patch up my relationship with God. I still believe in Him, and still pray to Him for guidance and relief...but I'm not sure if my relationship will ever be the same. I've sinned, and continue to disappoint him. Why bother going back when I know I'll just continue doing the things I'm not supposed to? I don't know...religion is so controversial. My boyfriend attends weekly teen-church-group things, but for some reason that I'm not completely sure about, I turn down invitations. Maybe it's cause of all the clique-loving teenagers, maybe not. I don't know.

Anywho, winter break is pretty disappointing. Work has been the highlight, if you can even call it one. At least I'm getting some money, that I will immediately return to my savings account. Gah, maybe I should go figure out how much exactly that I owe myself...

"Life is waiting for you..it's all messed up, but we'll survive." Life, by Our Lady Peace

I hope that's you..I hope that's me...

Secret Number Seven: Sometimes (most of the time) I'm only pretending I'm mad so you'll rush over and kiss me to make me happy. :)

Today was the first day...the first day to start two weeks of blissful nothingness. Winter Break. Ah, well, actually I'll be working the majority of this time, but it must be done. See, I'm a huge planner-freak. I love to make lists and guesstimate times and prices of stuff. When I started working, I made a year-long plan on a huge piece of notebook paper, scoping out my entire year of work so that I can buy my jeep next year. January, of next year. However, I failed to consider major holidays and special occasions. Like Christmas. So now, I'm behind. And I must pay the price: hard-core working.

Luckily, a woman I work with needs a baby-sitter. So there's extra cash AND someone else wants me to babysit during the week when I get my license. So there's another possible input of money. I'm crossing my fingers on this school-week job, cause it'd be such a big help what with insurance and all that jazz. But, I've been playing phone-tag with this family. PRAY that I'll get a hold of them or the other way around.

Gah. OH! Finally got our new manager this week, so today was a VERY happy day at work. Especially since I only had to work three hours. yay me:)

So, I took this picture when I first got my 35mm. I decided to walk around the neighborhood with my three cameras(35mm, digital, polaroid) and try to find something worth photographing. And this is one of the things I found in someone's front yard. This is one of my top faves.
Still nothing on the pictures that were ruined-then-saved.

I'm sleepy and tired of waiting for the boyfriend to call me and say good night, so I'm just gonna go crash...or maybe read:)

Lo OUT.

Please Don't Let My Dreams Run Dry...

Secret Number Six: I bite my lip constantly when I'm working hard on something or concentrating.

So, yes die-hard fans, I know I haven't posted a blog in forever and a day. I'm so sorry.

So, to catch you up, I've been running around crazy what with Christmas shopping, ETI stuff, a depressed boyfriend, and my idiot boss who is making me contemplate homicide. So FIRST, Christmas. Oh my Baby-Jesus! Now that I have a job and I actually have to buy presents, I'm realizing how insane it is! Trying to find the perfect gift and such. Gah. It's pretty friggen exhausting. Not to mention I still owe my savings 58 dollars...and I'm still not done shopping. 'Tis the season, eh?
Secondly, Christmas is also insane at my elementary school, and I have to add 21 little first graders onto my already mile-long list! Screw the holiday spirit, they all get friggen pencils! Nah, I'm just kidding. They're too cute. OH! PLUS, to top it all off, my ETI teacher assigned ANOTHER ETI student for my teacher at the elementary school! So now I have to compete for my kids' affection! How stupid is that? Share the love with teachers who don't have an ETI student, for God's sake! Ugh. At least I'm winning the competition so far :)
Thirdly, the boyfriend. He's going through so much crap right now with family and such, and I'm working so hard to keep him happy. Not to mention the fact that he's owed his friend 90 bucks for like six months and can't pay him back. So, naturally, I said I'd take care of it. I don't want to, since I'm already behind as it is on my savings plan for the JEEP, but whatever. Call me Jesus.
And last, and definitely least, my boss. When I say boss, I mean store owner. My cool, caring boss quit, leaving me with my jackass head-guy-dude who has no heart. The way he treats his staff and the store is so ludicrous. This man...ugh. Let's just say, I'm in the biggest hurry to quit.

Anywhoo..I got the chance to take some photos of my sister and her beau, my brother and his beau, and my sister's friend and HER beau. :) We went downtown for an urban feel. It was freaking freezing, especially since I laid on the cold wet ground multiple times to get the perfect picture. However, due to the rainy and super cloudy weather, my photos were pretty much ruined. The way the light works with clouds can either help or harm your photos, and the clouds that day definitely did the latter. Luckily, my sister is the wiz at different picture-editing programs and is in the process of saving my less-than-perfect pictures. I haven't received the pictures yet, but when I do I shall post. :) For now, I'll keep posting old pics.
This one is of a rose the boyfriend gave me for my 16th birthday. I let the flower sit in the sunshine on my window sill to dry it out, and it ended up giving it a pretty, gold edge. So, I took a picture. It was kind of complicated focusing my camera, but I'd just place it to my eye, put it down and focus, and do it again until I got it right:)

Enough talking, I'll shut up.
"And you can see that I can't stop shaking..." -Dancing by Elisa