I Look So Much Cooler Online

Secret Number Thirty Four: I bite the tips off of my chocolate kisses before eating the rest.

Wow, it's been awhile. So much has been going on, and I haven't had time to catch my breath. Here's a brief synopsis of what's happened in the past couple of months....

I've accepted myself, and him. I've let him go, and we're now friends. He has a girlfriend, who I personally think isn't attractive enough for him, and I have a boyfriend. He's been my best guy friend since freshman year, and I'm happy with him. :)

The sister is married and happy, and I'm elated for her.

School is insane, and college is terrifying me as I try to figure out applications.

I don't feel like for-real blogging today, I've got a big assignment due tomorrow for my teaching class. Till next time....

I've Been Dreaming of You From the Other Side,

Secret Number Thirty-Two: I like being taken care of.

Well, I haven't been able to blog, because I've been on bed rest since Thursday. That morning, I took part in what my high school calls "Flight School", in which we leaders guide the new incoming freshmen around the school, give advice, and act crazy. Well, at least, that's what I did. I took the chance of that morning to show these scared, timid children that life is meant to be lived crazily and without holding back. So, yeah, I belted the Alma Mater in an opera voice around the entire classroom, danced like a crazy white chick, and screamed down the quiet halls. I've always been an extrovert, but since all this new single-tood and just living life, I've learned to let go of insecurities and just be myself.

Which, I guess, is a crazy chick who has way too much school spirit. My group loved me, I just knew it. It made me feel so awesome when one of the boys came up to me and told me he admired my personality and my school spirit. I was like, Heck. Yes. :)

So, after dancing in the middle of the gym with my fellow seniors, I ran out the doors to my house. I took my "Chill Out Pill" that my surgeon gave me to take 45 minutes before my wisdom teeth surgery, and then chilled in the car on the way to the surgery. I remember sitting in the car and texting my ex-boyfriend exactly what I was thinking and feeling at that moment. Which probably wasn't what he wanted to hear. Oh, well. I was drugged. I remember freaking out cause the cars around us were moving too fast for my eyes to focus on them. I don't remember getting to the place, but I do remember the dude sticking the needle in my arm. I didn't appreciate that. Then he stuck in the sleepy-juice, and asked me about my job. Then, black.

So, I'm sad to hear that I wasn't as crazy funny as my oldest brother. However, my reasoning is that I'm already NATURALLY hilarious, so I don't need enhancing drugs to make me more comical. I think the pain medicine really just made me more blunt and want to dance more frequently.

I've had a lot of visitors, which has made me feel special and kind of queenly. However, once they all leave, I feel lonely again. I'm still trying to heal, and it's taking too long. My jaw is still swollen and in pain, and now I fear that I'm catching a cold or something. I'll probably call in to work tomorrow and let myself get an extra day of relief; no way I can scream at kids with these swollen cheeks.

Off to sleep, eat, and sleep. Thanks for listening, my two avid followers.

"Put your hands on my heart..."

Just Give Me One More Song...

Secret Number Thirty: I love daisies.

So, here I am on vacation at my grandparents' house this weekend. Currently, I'm lounging on the couch watching the movie Up with their old shihtzu, Gizmo. The whole empty house thing isn't freaking me out just yet...no promises about when I try to go to sleep.

So, great great news. Yesterday at work, I finally finished my Inner Fish book. I pushed myself through the Darwinistic bullshit...and landed on the other side. I was so happy. I immediately jumped up and did my Happy Dance in the Daycare's hallway, extremely pleased with myself. After work, I floated home, still on my summer-assignment high. Then, Mom told me I had a message from my school counselor. I listened, and began yelling at the recorded voice. I yelled extremities and sobbed at my desk; she called to tell me that because of my schedule, I could not take AP Biology next year. So, I wasted all that effort and frustration on nothing. Frank was useless now, and I felt bad for admitting to it.

Because of my counselor, Frank will die.

I've started to accept this, and already sold the stupid book to a friend who is actually taking the class. Life goes on, yadda yadda.
Tomorrow is my sister's wedding shower, and I'm pretty darn excited. :)

"I do not like the cone of shame..." -dog from Up

I Keep Them; They're Mine...

Secret Number Twenty-Nine: I hate Shakespeare.

Today was a pretty off day. I wasn't really sad for a specific reason; I was just SAD. I hate when that happens, cause if I know what's making me sad, I can work out a way to accept it or just ignore it. But I did have fun with my older girls there; we kept making goofy faces at each other and just laughing about nothing. I'm gonna be pretty heartbroken next week when I'm forced to work with the nasty four year-olds.

Okay, Shakespeare is impossible to pick out specific literary elements. For part of my English Summer Assignment, I have to pick out 50. I'm already wanting to cut my wrists and bleed on the books pages...and I've only put down three.

School is approaching way too fast, and my schedule is fattening. I don't like this feeling of stress returning...maybe I should run more.

Well, off to let out some steam in my book.

"The last time we talked, Mr. Smith, you reduced me to tears. I can assure you that won't happen again..." Grace Kelly; Mika.

Excuse Me Miss, But Can I Get You Out Your...

Secret Number Twenty Three: I love how he smells first thing in the morning.

It's been summer for a while, but frankly, I can't really tell.
For one, I'm working full time at the Day Care. That includes: Keeping the boys from killing each other over computers, trying to keep my own personal space as the clingy little girls spew their cheese-puff-scented questions in my face, keep myself from dozing off, and fill my food baby with junk food and soda. Sometimes I get to go on field trips, which I am always excited about. You'd find Shrek Four exciting, too, if you sat inside all day every day. Don't judge me.

Also, I'm taking summer school for a couple of weeks. Thanks to my potential future career in teaching and therefore, ETI (sorry, FTI now), I don't have room to take both Economics and Government together senior (yay!) year next year. So, bye-bye $125, hello Summer school. It's all on the computer and self-taught and self-paced. So I just sit there reading, copying, and pasting for three hours early in the morning. Then I proceed to speed through construction zones to work. :) (I only go five-seven over. Chill.)

As for LIFE, things are hectic and out-of-whack. The boyfriend abandoned me for church camp on Saturday night, and I've been crying and smelling his pillow since then. I know it's pathetic, but we've been together two years and have spent maybe a total of a month apart during those two years. It's hard, and I miss him. You know that saying, "you never know what you have, till it's gone"? Well, I want to find the grave of whoever said that, dig up their corpse, strangle it, and chunk it back into its hole in little bone pieces. Love sucks.
Also, it's been especially hard without Cody because my dad is giving me hell, and it's really stressing me out. No details, but I'm just sick of him. Cody was always the best at making me feel better about him.

I leave Thursday for Orlando, to enjoy the new WWHOP (Wizarding World of Harry Potter) with my sister and her fiance. I'm oober excited. :) Nerds are sexy.

"It's happiness by the Carton..." Commercial ad for Dreyer's Icecream. (No songs on)

Let's just let the world walk by...

Secret Number Twenty Two: I feel inadequate when compared to my older sister.

I hate it when my parents ask for help with something, typically something techy like the computer, and when I don't know, they sound all annoyed and say, "Well we'll just ask your sister. She knows this stuff." Thanks, guys, for shoving that knife deeper into my self esteem! I mean, God, don't they hear themselves when they talk? People should have seminars for parents on stupid shit you SHOULDN'T say to your kids.
1) When I was your age, I had to blah blah blah. -Yeah. We don't care what you HAD to do, we just care about how you're making us vacuum the stupid living room for the second time this week.
2) If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you too?- No, we're not suicidal(the most of us). However, if there were ropes involved, Hell Yes!
3) Oh, well, let me ask insert older sibling's name here, I bet they'll know it.- Okay, go ahead. Also, while you're at it, ask them if they'll also let you live with them, cause now I'm just gonna chuck you into a retirement home, bitch.

Yeah. So now, since I'm not as brilliant or studious as my sister, I'm just inadequate. I should probably be used to it, but I'm not. I'm sick of this shadow I'm having to live in.

On other news, my Physics AP Test is tomorrow, and I've hardly studied. I've already accepted my failure.

Night, night.

My hands smell like metal.

Secret Number Twenty one: I'm really bad at remembering things, such as blogging.

So, the year is almost over; delicious smells are floating...along with deadly and irritating pollen. The mosquitoes are making themselves known, as are June Bugs.
Number of June Bugs savagely murdered so far: 3
Everyday I'm getting closer to the joy of sunbathing and late nights...and also to my AP tests. Gah. AP tests are just not aesthetic. They're ugly, vile, putrid, baneful things that deserve to be burned in a pit and danced around. (Notice that I am memorizing SAT words. aha, BAM.)
Also, the place in which I was working just went out of business randomly, leaving me with no job and barely any money. Good news= I can stay out later, Bad news=....no money.

I'm attempting to find another job, but not running rampant through the streets JUST yet. Maybe in a couple weeks when my savings account dries out.

Saturday I'm helping best friend Emily get ready for prom. I'm really excited, even though I don't have prom. It's just the girl inside of me. :)

I should go study, so tata.

"And I was like baby, baby, baby OOOOH!"

I hope that's you..I hope that's me...

Secret Number Seven: Sometimes (most of the time) I'm only pretending I'm mad so you'll rush over and kiss me to make me happy. :)

Today was the first day...the first day to start two weeks of blissful nothingness. Winter Break. Ah, well, actually I'll be working the majority of this time, but it must be done. See, I'm a huge planner-freak. I love to make lists and guesstimate times and prices of stuff. When I started working, I made a year-long plan on a huge piece of notebook paper, scoping out my entire year of work so that I can buy my jeep next year. January, of next year. However, I failed to consider major holidays and special occasions. Like Christmas. So now, I'm behind. And I must pay the price: hard-core working.

Luckily, a woman I work with needs a baby-sitter. So there's extra cash AND someone else wants me to babysit during the week when I get my license. So there's another possible input of money. I'm crossing my fingers on this school-week job, cause it'd be such a big help what with insurance and all that jazz. But, I've been playing phone-tag with this family. PRAY that I'll get a hold of them or the other way around.

Gah. OH! Finally got our new manager this week, so today was a VERY happy day at work. Especially since I only had to work three hours. yay me:)

So, I took this picture when I first got my 35mm. I decided to walk around the neighborhood with my three cameras(35mm, digital, polaroid) and try to find something worth photographing. And this is one of the things I found in someone's front yard. This is one of my top faves.
Still nothing on the pictures that were ruined-then-saved.

I'm sleepy and tired of waiting for the boyfriend to call me and say good night, so I'm just gonna go crash...or maybe read:)

Lo OUT.

Please Don't Let My Dreams Run Dry...

Secret Number Six: I bite my lip constantly when I'm working hard on something or concentrating.

So, yes die-hard fans, I know I haven't posted a blog in forever and a day. I'm so sorry.

So, to catch you up, I've been running around crazy what with Christmas shopping, ETI stuff, a depressed boyfriend, and my idiot boss who is making me contemplate homicide. So FIRST, Christmas. Oh my Baby-Jesus! Now that I have a job and I actually have to buy presents, I'm realizing how insane it is! Trying to find the perfect gift and such. Gah. It's pretty friggen exhausting. Not to mention I still owe my savings 58 dollars...and I'm still not done shopping. 'Tis the season, eh?
Secondly, Christmas is also insane at my elementary school, and I have to add 21 little first graders onto my already mile-long list! Screw the holiday spirit, they all get friggen pencils! Nah, I'm just kidding. They're too cute. OH! PLUS, to top it all off, my ETI teacher assigned ANOTHER ETI student for my teacher at the elementary school! So now I have to compete for my kids' affection! How stupid is that? Share the love with teachers who don't have an ETI student, for God's sake! Ugh. At least I'm winning the competition so far :)
Thirdly, the boyfriend. He's going through so much crap right now with family and such, and I'm working so hard to keep him happy. Not to mention the fact that he's owed his friend 90 bucks for like six months and can't pay him back. So, naturally, I said I'd take care of it. I don't want to, since I'm already behind as it is on my savings plan for the JEEP, but whatever. Call me Jesus.
And last, and definitely least, my boss. When I say boss, I mean store owner. My cool, caring boss quit, leaving me with my jackass head-guy-dude who has no heart. The way he treats his staff and the store is so ludicrous. This man...ugh. Let's just say, I'm in the biggest hurry to quit.

Anywhoo..I got the chance to take some photos of my sister and her beau, my brother and his beau, and my sister's friend and HER beau. :) We went downtown for an urban feel. It was freaking freezing, especially since I laid on the cold wet ground multiple times to get the perfect picture. However, due to the rainy and super cloudy weather, my photos were pretty much ruined. The way the light works with clouds can either help or harm your photos, and the clouds that day definitely did the latter. Luckily, my sister is the wiz at different picture-editing programs and is in the process of saving my less-than-perfect pictures. I haven't received the pictures yet, but when I do I shall post. :) For now, I'll keep posting old pics.
This one is of a rose the boyfriend gave me for my 16th birthday. I let the flower sit in the sunshine on my window sill to dry it out, and it ended up giving it a pretty, gold edge. So, I took a picture. It was kind of complicated focusing my camera, but I'd just place it to my eye, put it down and focus, and do it again until I got it right:)

Enough talking, I'll shut up.
"And you can see that I can't stop shaking..." -Dancing by Elisa

Tuxedo Waitors, Black Ties...

Secret Number Five: The only time I sleep well is when your chest is my pillow and your heartbeat my lullaby.

So, today was my first day back at school since the Thanksgiving Break. Ugh. Math is hell, and should burn. Regulars History was just peachy though; we continued watching the Patriot, which we have now for about five days. Whoo! I'm learning so much! I could probably sleep through the class and still kick everyone's ass grade-wise. It's like Eighth-grade all over again, minus my old wrinkly teacher who probably witnessed every single war known to man. She has been happily traded in for a coach full of non-stop sports analogies. Yay, what a win.

Friday is the boyfriend and my 1.9 years, I'm so excited. :) I don't know why he's stuck around for so long; I mean, I know I'm bossy, stubborn, and a grammar-freak. I know I get bitchy, especially in the mornings. But he finds it cute, funny even. I don't get it! Either he is slightly OFF in the mental area, or just...weird. I don't know. But I love him for it. :) Speaking of...here he is. :) Aint he cute? This was taken two summers ago. He didn't want me taking pictures of him, but apparently my jumping around with my camera made him warm up to it. :)



Of course, he tries to take pictures of ME, and fails miserably cause he has basically no idea about focusing. :) But I'm okay with it, as long as A) he doesn't break my baby and
B) he doesn't waste film on lame pictures.
(See? BOSSY!!!)
I actually slightly like this picture. It makes me see myself as he does...I actually think I look beautiful in this picture. Only cause he makes me feel beautiful.





"Just let me dust off the seat...mmm..put your pretty little arms around me-" Big Green Tractor by Jason Aldean

Being the Weird, New Kid is inevitable...

even in on a blogging website.

I've never been very good at keeping up with a blog, but if my best friend, Emily, can do it...heck, so can I! :) Anyways, I guess I'll just give a brief prologue on myself and my life...I'm Lauren. I'm a Harry Potter freak, book nerd, and photography junkie. I take in chocolate like water: constantly. I'm still in the midst of writing a book...more like editing...but yeah. That's the basis of it all, I don't want to bore whoever has the time to read this, most likely no one. But yeah, my friend Emily inspired me to start blogging, and I think I'm gonna try the 100 secrets thing also. (sorry I'm a thief, Emily!)

Secret Number One: I look in the mirror way too often and then always tell myself that it makes me look vain, which I'm not.

I plan on also using this blog to display my photography as I (hopefully) get more experienced. I have photos of people I know, and I will choose to keep them anonymous, for security reasons.

I was told that Junior year was the toughest year in High School, but I didn't think it'd be THIS tough. I'm so stressed out all the time; I think it's making me less attractive to my boyfriend of 1.8 years. (I'm sure he'd disagree, but he's just a guy like that.) Not only am I dealing with the onslaught of AP courses and extra-curricular bull that will look appealing on my manuscripts, but also work for minimum-wage that'll make me suffer with my hammy-down Saturn for a full year until I can afford a gorgeous Jeep in cash.

"You can go heavy on me and I will not let you down, no, no.."
Heavy- Holly Brooks