Lost Things

Secret Number Twenty: I have a secret love for Hello Kitty. No idea why.

So, I realize I haven't blogged in quite a long time. I started to feel guilty until I remembered that Oh yeah! I only have one follower. So no big loss.

I was watching a cool stop motion clip on a friend's blog, and now my mind is speeding away about all the things I've loved and lost. Like this memory I have with my dad. I'm looking up at him, and it's like he's God, he's so giant. It's warm, and we're walking into a store. He holds out his pointer finger, which I grab with my entire hand. We reach the crosswalk and start skipping across the fading white lines and he's singing "skip to my loo" and I'm inconceivably happy. And then the memory goes blank.
I miss the sense of safety I used to feel around people, the comfort. But then, a boy had to do something painful and evil with a supposed friend right next to us, and now I can't stand crowds of friends or strangers.
I miss all of my stuffed animals and my toys that I had when I was little. With them, I crawled around on the rough carpet in the living room until my knees got too red. When I wasn't at school, I was alone. My toys were my friends; my escape into a loving, wonderful world.
Most of all, I miss feeling carefree. Before Life happened, I laughed constantly, and had sleepovers that lasted days with my best friends. But then all the Shit happened and nothing is the same. I'M not the same. I worry and stress and cry when I'm not always sure why. I hardly see my friends from middle school, and miss them terribly.

But the things you have to learn about lost things is that you never can find them again. Once they disappear, they're impossible to touch again.

"All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus." Circus, Britney Spears