Lost Things

Secret Number Twenty: I have a secret love for Hello Kitty. No idea why.

So, I realize I haven't blogged in quite a long time. I started to feel guilty until I remembered that Oh yeah! I only have one follower. So no big loss.

I was watching a cool stop motion clip on a friend's blog, and now my mind is speeding away about all the things I've loved and lost. Like this memory I have with my dad. I'm looking up at him, and it's like he's God, he's so giant. It's warm, and we're walking into a store. He holds out his pointer finger, which I grab with my entire hand. We reach the crosswalk and start skipping across the fading white lines and he's singing "skip to my loo" and I'm inconceivably happy. And then the memory goes blank.
I miss the sense of safety I used to feel around people, the comfort. But then, a boy had to do something painful and evil with a supposed friend right next to us, and now I can't stand crowds of friends or strangers.
I miss all of my stuffed animals and my toys that I had when I was little. With them, I crawled around on the rough carpet in the living room until my knees got too red. When I wasn't at school, I was alone. My toys were my friends; my escape into a loving, wonderful world.
Most of all, I miss feeling carefree. Before Life happened, I laughed constantly, and had sleepovers that lasted days with my best friends. But then all the Shit happened and nothing is the same. I'M not the same. I worry and stress and cry when I'm not always sure why. I hardly see my friends from middle school, and miss them terribly.

But the things you have to learn about lost things is that you never can find them again. Once they disappear, they're impossible to touch again.

"All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus." Circus, Britney Spears

Here's to Lookin' Fine and Having No Where to Go...

Secret Number Nineteen: I'm in love with Cowboys.

So, I was supposed to hang out with the boyfriend, but after I got home, ate, cleaned the bathroom, and got cute...he went to his friend's house.
Eff.

Now, I'm blogging as I wait for my friend, Tamara, to be ready so we can hit up the mall and hit on cute guys. I know it's not nice, but when he pulls this crap I like to make him mad. :) Yes, I'm evil.

Gah. It's Spring Break, but I'll probably be working my tush off the majority of the time. :/

My mind is blank.

Till next time,

Speak

Secret Number Eighteen: Sometimes I start to think that my life is nice and start smiling and waking up hopeful...and then Life slaps me on the face and says, "You idiot, your life is crap so quit humming Show Tunes." Drat.

So, my computer had a massive heart attack and died last week while my sister was trying to make it work faster. Poor old geezer, didn't have a chance. So, I've been walking aimlessly around without the joy of listening to my Itunes or adding onto my book. I can't look at my pictures...which means my blogs will be absent of photography for an unknown period of time. I'm stuck reading and doing homework, or driving around wasting money on crap I don't need.

Speaking of books, I bought Speak. I started it in First period, and finished it in Fifth while we watched an insanely boring video in English. I realized within the first two pages that I knew this story, and when I thought about it, I realized that I saw a TV movie based on it one night while hiding in the dark at my father's house. It was on the Oxygen channel. "Bella" was in it; she did pretty well since she's already very odd. Anyways, the book put me into an even worse funk than I was already in. This was my thought process all day:
Sleep. Food. Pain. I hate my eyebrows. She's too pretty. Why didn't I put on make-up today. Cafeteria food should be illegal. Teenagers are annoying. Physics is cruel. Hate. Hate. Hate her. Pain. Memories. Regret. Pity. Tired.

I'm supposed to be driving to the middle school nearby for my Mentor-Mentee group thing, but my little girl is sick, so I'm skipping. Why act like my life is great and I don't care about what people in high-school think of me and I'm comfortable with who I am when I'm so so so not?

I might start working on a new novel, since I can't get to Sunshine right now. Ugh.

"I want your ugly, I want your disease. I want your everything as long as it's free." - Bad Romance, Lady Gag A

Take My Hand and Let's Dance...

Secret Number Seventeen: I can't write without music.

Yes, my millions of avid followers, I know that I've failed to blog in a long time. So, so sorry. (heh.)

Lots of craziness since the new trimester (instead of SEMESTER, yeah, my school is cool) started, I've been crazy busy. I can't believe how close I am to being a senior. Wow.

As you've probably heard, Texas received a record amount of snow a little bit ago. It was AMAZING. I played all day in the snow with the boyfriend. And took pictures. :) Also, I promised I'd photograph my friends for the guy friend's vday gift to the girl friend. :) I'll include some of those too. :)

Enough talk, here's some photos.





































and of course, I made the boyfriend pose with me for a few pics. :)

It's a Quarter After One, I'm All Alone and I Need You Now.

Secret Number Sixteen: I have a recent obsession with elephants. I've always been obsessed with giraffes.

Today is Friday, yet it didn't really FEEL like it. School is killer and I wish to strangle certain immature students in some of my classes. However, that would be frowned upon. I'd most likely get kicked out and then embrace my dream of running a McDonald's. Yay.

Picture time? Yes. The first is dedicated to my friend, Jenna. :) She is great and blogged about how great I am. She's a wonderful girl, always full of love and joy, and so I'm putting this picture up just for her. :)







Okay back to all seriousness... these are three of the very first pictures I ever took with a 35mm. It was my dad's and I fell in love instantly. They aren't the greatest, but I still love them.

Generate the False Alarms, the Verdict is Conterfeit..

Secret Number Fifteen: I wish I had more of a country accent.

School: a chubby kid with a magnifying glass, giggling as I squirm in pain.
Life: full of selfishness, hate, disappointment, and fat.


These are some of the pictures my wonderfully bright sister edited for me. This is my eldest brother and his girlfriend/future fiancé :)
"Baby I've been waiting for this long hard day to be over, So I can rest my head right here on your shoulder" I Wanna Make You Close Your Eyes, Dierks Bentley

I Think You and I Should Stay the Same...

Secret Number Fourteen: I honestly believe that you could do better, but I'm glad you're so unobservant. :)

Life: is a big scribble on a blank sheet of paper. With big, fat blotches of ink and holes from pressing too hard.

Good news? I finally got my pictures from the sister. So, I'll start putting a few up at a time.

These are pictures of one of my best friends. I've started on a project, and she's the first I've photographed for it. And the last. I just don't get the chance...

Yeah, I took these balancing a lamp on my left shoulder and focusing with one hand. :)