I need you now more than I needed you then...

Secret Number Twenty-Four: I dream about you every night, and wake up sad.

So, it's been..one month and one week, since the boyfriend and I broke up. Don't really want to talk about it, but I'm trying to leave him alone and grow in myself.
I've gained a lot of peace with my life, and my past, and myself. Now I'm trying to regain a strong relationship with God. It surprises even myself, because I always thought I'd end up atheist...but a part of me wants to try again. And with Cody gone, this is my chance. My chance to grow into myself, and rediscover God. If he comes back eventually, great. I'll be a better person, and we'll be happier. If not...well...okay. I really don't want to think about that right now.

So, for AP Bio, we have to grow a plant. We had the choice between a begonia and a Coleus, which is an ugly, boring, leafy plant. Following the girl in me, I chose the begonia. So, today I went to lunch with a youth leader who is awesome and I'm gonna meet with her every week, and then went to Lowe's. I walked in all cool in my Pink cop glasses, and realized I'd never find the friggin thing by myself. So, I grabbed this young, smiley guy, and followed him around as he picked me out a pretty plant, food, and a pot. Proud of myself, I strolled out to my car with all my trinkets and named the plant Frank. I've never grown a plant before, and my mother has a black thumb...she kills everything she tries to grow...so naturally I'm a little scared that when I walk into Bio, I'll be holding a pot with a sad, desolate and black little shrub. So, as I tucked Frank into the passenger seat and fasten the seat belt around his small little pot, I promised to try not to let him die.

I'm not sure if we're supposed to log about our plants, but Frank is my new friend, so I'll include him into my blogs for now on...that no one reads. Oh well, it helps to vent. :)

So, off I go into my new life with a manly little flower at my side. Look out, world.

"she keeps a picture of me...in her apartment in the city. Somethings in this world man just don't make sense. "